What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The best revenge is premature balding
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
