Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize