You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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