I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god