Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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