why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
