i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
