Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
