her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I booty called her while she was in labor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
