If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
