First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
