to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
