Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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