someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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