im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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