actually, I'm a sock model
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
