the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
