i jhust puked up my retainher.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
