So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
