Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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