I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bang-toberfest begins!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
