Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
