i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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