i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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