Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
