I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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