After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
