can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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