my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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