We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
