if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
