Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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