Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
