My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
