Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This house was built for laser tag.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
