dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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