I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
