I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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