I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
