I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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