i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
