She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
