ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
