somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
