$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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