i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
