when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
