i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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