We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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