I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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