normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
