I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
