he puts the penis in happiness.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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