Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
