I am spending my child support on dildos
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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