What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
