You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I looked at my own cervix.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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