thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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