the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I stole a fireplace last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
