Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
