I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
