ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
