I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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