i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
