Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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