Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
