me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
