Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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