This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
