I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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