DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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